What’s that I smell, wafting on the breeze?


Election time is prime time for bullshit spotters. Let’s see what we can smell.

Day one:


Mr Cameron said he was fighting the election for “the great ignored”.

“They work hard, they set up businesses, they work in factories, they teach our children, they keep our streets safe, they obey the law and they their pay taxes,” he said.

“They do the right thing. They are the honest, hard-working people of our country and they are desperate to know that in this great country we can still achieve great things.”

Prime bullshit, and surprisingly ripe considering we’re so early in the campaign. Who are these “great ignored”? Honest people? People who work? In factories? People who have families? Why David, that sounds like me! In fact, wait a moment… that sounds like everyone I know! Hang on, you cheeky scoundrel. That sounds like everyone in the entire country!

Presumably you’re not fighting it for any of the nasty people out there who do things I don’t like, like avoid taxes or hunt animals for fun, or else you would have said so, right? Glad we got that straight.


“This country, Britain, has now had Conservative and Labour governments for 65 years, just doing the same old thing, taking it in turns to make the same old mistakes, over and over again. So the real choice in this election is between more of the same… or real change. Something different.”

So said Nick Clegg, launching the Lib Dem campaign. Very brave, and very bullshitty. I know the chap’s a Liberal and all, but I never had him down as the British Bakunin. Apparently nothing has gone right in this place for 65 years, and we need a change. Bold, Cleggy, very bold. Very bold move for day one, setting yourself against defeating Hitler, creating the NHS, decimalisation AND Neil Kinnock falling in the sea.

As a great rock singer once said, it’s a fine line between clever and stupid. Sometimes you can be both at the same time. Unfortunately, Nick, sometimes you’re just one of those things.